Memories
by RidersGirl
Summary: It's the night before Sam says yes to Lucifer and Dean still can't find it in him to let him go. Memories keep flashing through his mind about their past. Can that help Dean to let Sam go? Oneshot. Tag to Swan Song.


**Disclaimer : I do not own anything**

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I lay in my bed, wide awake at three in the morning. Sam was asleep in the other bed. As I looked at him, a million memories hit me and that's what hurt so much.

Memories from years ago, when we were kids, when it was just Sam and I against the world. Again I wondered, could I really let him go, forever, tomorrow?

xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo

_11th September 1996 (Dean – 17, Sam – 13)_

_We were in a small town in Louisiana for about two months and dad still had no intention of leaving. The summer had just ended but the weather was still as hot as ever._

_Dad was on a hunt and had left us in a two bedroom flat he had rented. The air conditioner had broken down and we were left burning to death on what was probably the hottest day of the year._

_It was the afternoon and I was lying down on the old, battered couch with sweat pouring down my face._

"_Dean, it's so hot!" Sam whined from the other couch. "Can we please go swimming in the lake?"_

_We had found the lake about a month and a half ago when dad had taken us to shooting practice in the forest a few miles behind the flats. It was pretty awesome because no one went there and the water was really cool. After we had found it, we had gone there a couple of times with dad but never alone._

"_Dad said not to go to the forest alone," I told him with a sigh._

"_Screw dad. Come on, Dean. Please. He will never find out," he begged._

_I sighed again and sat up. For what seemed like the thousandth time that day, I wiped the sweat from my forehead and then I made the biggest mistake ever._

_I looked over at Sam who was doing his puppy face. That face was a danger to everyone. In fact, he shouldn't be allowed to use it. Who knows how many people he persuaded with that look. Sam could get almost anything with his puppy face. _

"_Fine, one word about this to dad and you're dead," I warned him. Sam grinned and ran to our room to grab his swimming trunks. _

"_Don't forget mine!" I called after him. I heard a 'yeah' come from the room as I walked towards the fridge for some beer and coke to bring along. I easily found a few cans of coke but I couldn't find any beer. Shit, dad probably finished it again. I'll have to remember to buy more the next time I go grocery shopping. Then, Sam came out of the room carrying a bag._

"_Heads up, Dean," he said to me as he tossed me the bag. I caught it and dumped the cokes into it. Then we walked out of the house and towards the field behind the flats. _

_We ignored the 'Keep out' sign, climbed over the fence and dropped onto to the green grass. _

_Apparently, the two miles of land between the flats and the forest belonged to a crazy old farmer that lost his arm in some freak accident. _

_We never got caught by him but people who did, said that he had a red hot temper and was a nasty man with a nastier dog to match._

_We got across the field without anything remotely interesting happening, although it would have been funny if the crazy old farmer decided to start chasing us._

_When we reached the lake, we quickly changed into our swimming trunks. Sam had just put on his when I had an idea. I sneaked up behind him and suddenly picked him up. He let out a sound of surprise before laughing._

"_Dean, put me down," he said._

"_Sure thing, Sammy," I told him before tossing him into the lake,"Ouch, you're getting heavy."_

"_Serves you right," he said."Come on, the water feels awesome!" _

"_All right, move out of the way for the Dean Winchester cannonball," I shouted before running and jumping into the lake._

_I created a huge splash before going underwater. I swam towards Sam and pulled him underwater with me before going up for some air. A few seconds later, Sam's head broke through the surface of the water. I laughed as he wiped the water out of his face._

"_Argh, that is not funny, Dean" he said before a mischievous smile came onto his face,"But this is!" he shouted and he pounced on me, pushing me underwater. Soon, a huge water wrestling fight broke out between us. Our shouting and laughter rang throughout the forest. It was the most fun I had in a long time._

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_We lay down on the grass beside the lake letting the warm sun dry us off. Neither of us talked as we were both spent from playing in the lake. Suddenly, Sam asked,"Do you think we will always be like this? Be brothers?"_

"_Of course we will, Sammy," I told him."'Till death do us part." I said in a voice that ministers used for weddings._

_Sam laughed before asking,"You promise?"_

"_Yes, I promise," I told him in my normal voice. Sam smiled, reassured and he said, "I do too, Dean."_

"_Why are you asking anyway?" I asked him._

"_Nothing...just, you know..." For a moment he looked like he was about to say something important but then he just finished off lamely, "...asking."_

"_Right...I really don't want to know what goes on in that huge brain of yours," I told him while passing him a coke and grabbing another for myself._

_We opened the cokes and drank some of it. Then, I raised my can and said,"To being brothers."_

_Sam smiled,"I can definitely agree with that," and he clicked his can with mine._

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I smiled at the memory, that had been one of the best afternoons of my life. Sam was and still is my whole world. I practically raised him after mom died. Dad had been too busy hunting.

I was there to teach him how to kick his first ball, I was there to comfort him after a nightmare.

It was my job. Mom had told me that being Sam's big brother meant I had to take care of him. Dad had told me I had to take care of him no matter what.

I don't regret it and I would do it all again if I had to in a heartbeat.

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_7th August 1988 (Dean – 9, Sam – 5)_

_I suddenly woke up when I heard Sam whimpering from his bed. I quickly walked over to him and gently shook him awake. _

_In the other room, dad was asleep on his bed - I had to drag him, half asleep and drunk to his bed after he had passed out on the couch. Dad was definitely going to have a horrible hangover tomorrow._

_I shook him a little more and Sam suddenly bolted upright on his bed, tears running down his face. I draped my arm on his back and soothingly rubbed it like what mom used to do for me._

"_Shhhh...It's alright. Was it another nightmare?" I asked him gently._

_He nodded before mumbling, "There w-was...this m-monster...and it was gonna ta' eat you."_

"_It's just a dream, Sammy. Look, I'm fine. I'm right here." I told him gently._

_Sam just sniffled a little more and leaned towards me. I held him until his sniffling stopped._

"_Better?" I asked him_

"_Mmhmm..." he said sleepily. Now that his nightmare was over he was sleepy again._

_I laid him back down on his bed when he suddenly asked, "Are you still gonna teach me to kick a ball tomorrow?"_

"_Of course, just go to sleep now." I told him as I brushed a strand of hair from his face._

_He smiled before he sleepily mumbled, "Thank-s...D-Dean."_

_I tucked him in and quietly went back to my own bed. I listened carefully for a few minutes before I heard his breathing even out to tell me he was asleep._

_Seconds later, I felt my eyelids droop heavily before falling into a dreamless sleep._

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_I tiptoed out of the room, being careful not to wake Sam. I was walking downstairs when I heard dad call me. _

_I quickly went to his room to find him lying on the bed, clutching at his head._

"_Get me some aspirin," he ordered me._

"_Yes, sir," I said before going to the medicine cabinet and taking the aspirin. After that I went to the kitchen and filled a glass with water. Then, I went back to his room and gave them to him. _

_He grunted and quickly swallowed the pills with the water._

"_Take Sam out to the park or something. I don't want any of you disturbing me today." he ordered, his voice dry._

"_Yes, sir," I said before walking out of his room and softly closing the door behind me. _

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_An hour later, after a bowl of Lucky Charms, a shower and a search for a ball, we were finally out of the house._

_We saw our neighbour, Mrs Marley working in her garden. Mrs Marley was a widow whose husband died a few years ago. She was really nice and even baked food for us sometimes._

"_Morning, Mrs Marley!" we called out. _

_She looked up from her gardening and smiled, "Morning, boys. I was just going to see if you boys want to come over for some homemade apple pie later."_

"_We would love to," I replied while Sam grinned._

"_Okay, see you later," she said and went back to her gardening._

"_Mmmmm...pie..." I said as I walked with Sam._

"_Her pie's are yummy," Sam agreed as he tossed the ball he was holding to me._

"_Damn straight" I said before catching the ball._

_A few minutes later, we arrived at the park which was rather quiet for a Saturday morning. We easily found a spot in the middle of the field and started to practice._

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_We practiced there the entire morning and by noon, Sam was kicking the ball like a pro._

"_Not bad, you might even be as good as me one day," I said playfully. _

"_No way. I'll be better than you," he retorted and made a face at me._

"_Dream on, Sammy. You should try out for the soccer team when you start school though. Just 'cause you aren't as good as me doesn't mean you can't kick other peoples asses," I told him with a grin._

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Little did I know that my comment was what prompted him to join the soccer team at school, years later.

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_21st May 1997 (Dean – 18, Sam – 14) _

_The crowd went while as Sam scored the penalty, winning the whole game. Screams filled the air as people cheered. At 14, he was the best soccer player on the team. Sam grinned at me from the field, literally glowing with happiness. I grinned back, feeling extremely proud of him. It seemed like just yesterday I taught him how to kick his first ball._

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I sighed for what seemed to be the millionth time that night. Morning was approaching and I still couldn't find it in me to let go of Sam. Then I heard a bird tweeting from outside the window. Before I could stop it, another memory flashed through my mind.

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_2nd February 1994 (Dean – 15, Sam – 11) _

"_Come on, Sammy. Hurry up!" I shouted at him who was lagging behind me._

"_Dean, come here," he said._

"_What is it?" I asked as I walked over. _

"_Look at that," Sam said as he pointed towards a bush._

"_That's amazing, Sam, a bush. I've never seen one in my life," I said sarcastically._

_He rolled his eyes and said, "Not the bush, idiot."_

_I looked closer and saw that there was a baby bird that had fallen out of its nest at the side of the bush. It's mother was trying to pick it up but with no success. _

_Sam slowly approached the and gently placed it on his palm. Then, he put the baby bird back into it's nest that was on a low branch just within his reach. The mother bird tweeted and flew back to its nest before landing beside it._

"_Let's go, Sammy," I said as I checked my watch. Dad wanted us to be back early to clean and check the weapons._

_I quickly forgot about the bird as dad kept us busy for the rest of the day._

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_The next morning, I woke up and got ready for school as usual. Just before we walked out of the flat, I decided to grab some cookies from the kitchen._

"_Hurry up, Dean," Sam called from the door._

"_Gimme a minute, it won't kill you to wait," I grumbled_

_Sam rolled his eyes and tapped his foot impatiently against the floor. I grabbed a couple of cookies from the box and started walking to school with Sam_

_I was eating my last cookie as we passed the place with the birds when Sam suddenly said, "Give me your cookie."_

"_What? No. It's my cookie. Get your own," I told him._

_Sam just snatched the cookie from my hand and walked over to the birds while breaking it into crumbs._

"_Cookie thief," I muttered._

_He put the crumbs at the side of the birds nest and watched. The birds quickly ate it up while tweeting happily._

"_What a waste of a cookie," I told him as we continued walking to school._

"_It's better to give it to the birds than to your bottomless pit of a stomach," he said._

"_Whatever, bitch," I said while giving Sam a playful shove._

"_Jerk," Sam retorted while shoving me back._

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_This became routine over the next few weeks. We would check on the birds as we walked to school and back. This also resulted in Sam stealing my food for the birds – which sort of annoyed me, but at least it was for the birds. _

_I had to admit though, the birds were kinda cute, in a bird sort of way._

_It was just another normal day...normal for us anyway. We were on the way back from school when we checked on the birds._

_What we saw was kind of a surprise. Just as we got there, one of the baby birds started to flap its wings and fly away. Then, the others followed until only the mother was left. In that moment, we knew that they weren't coming back, not like the other times._

_We watched the birds soar in the sky until they disappeared from view. There was something about this that gave me a weird feeling. It made me feel kinda sad, but it shouldn't. I mean...they were only just some birds._

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Now, 16 years later, I finally understood that feeling. It was the fact that the mother bird had let them go.

Who knows what could have happened to them, they could have been eaten by someones vicious cat or it could have been shot or...the possibilities were endless, but the mother bird had let them go anyway.

I knew I had to do the same with Sam. I had to let him go tomorrow. He wasn't a kid anymore, he was a grown man that could make his own decisions.

I buried my head in my hands, knowing that...it didn't make it any easier. If everything went according to plan, I would never see him again. Could I do it?

Then the bird tweeted outside the window again.

"Yeah birdie...stop tweeting. I get the message," I muttered.

Let go...yeah, I'll do it. I'll let him go tomorrow and I'll let him say yes to the devil. Not because I like it but because its not my decision to make, it's Sam's.

But that doesn't mean I won't be there with him until the very end. After all...isn't that what family is for?

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**Please tell me want you think. I spent ages on this and I really want to know your thoughts. Good? Bad? Never-ever-write-again horrible? And can someone tell me if the ending was any good. I'm pretty sure I messed it up. Please and thank you! **

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